


hymn to intellectual beauty

by puddle_wonderful



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28223064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puddle_wonderful/pseuds/puddle_wonderful
Summary: Snippets of the rise and fall of Severus Snape's relationship with Gilderoy Lockhart. Set during Chamber of Secrets.
Relationships: Gilderoy Lockhart/Severus Snape
Comments: 17
Kudos: 29





	hymn to intellectual beauty

Dumbledore tapped a silvery object on his desk with his wand and the high-pitched whirring sound ceased. “Go on, Severus.”

“Headmaster, I am aware that you have been conducting interviews for the Defence position, but perhaps you could reconsider my application.”

“I cannot. Voldemort’s possession of Quirrell last year was, I’m afraid, just the beginning.” He popped a sherbet lemon into his mouth and held out the small black bag.

Severus took one and held it between his fingers, his lip curling. “But logically, I am much more suited to the Defence position, though I admit that my abilities lie not in teaching.”

“Do not question your position here based on a few comments from some concerned parents! Your position at this school is not in jeopardy, and Lucius Malfoy has spoken for you. His opinion carries considerable weight on the board of governors, so you need not worry.”

“But there is nothing here for me.”

Dumbledore sighed. “Nevertheless, it is best that you remain at Hogwarts. When Voldemort returns, he will find you waiting for him exactly where he left you.”

“It has been years. Surely, it is time for me to move on from this place.”

Dumbledore’s blue eyes flashed like ice. “You made a promise, all of those years ago, to protect Lily’s son.”

“Yes, I remember.” His hand curled around the sherbet lemon, fingernails digging into his palm. “I meant what I said.”

“I’m sorry. I have already filled the Defence position.”

* * *

Severus cornered Dumbledore in a corridor a few days later. “Gilderoy Lockhart, Headmaster?”

Unconcerned, Dumbledore continued walking. He waved to a portrait on the wall and the knight waved back shyly, his cheeks flushing before he ducked out of the picture. “Professor Lockhart has written a number of popular books.”

“Popular, perhaps. But I’ve read his books and they are complete rubbish.”

“Yes, Madam Pince did mention to me that you’ve checked all seven of them out multiple times this summer.”

“I had to cross-reference them!” Severus spluttered. “And, believe me, none of them contain a word of truth. The only thing that blithering idiot has done is to win that smile award five times in a row.”

“Pardon?”

“That absurd award from Witch Weekly. The wizard with the ‘Most Charming Smile’ or some such rubbish.”

“Hmm.” A blond man rounded the corner, the winning smile plastered across his face. Dumbledore returned the smile, blue eyes twinkling, and turned to Severus. “If you would allow me to introduce you to your new colleague?”

“Why, if it isn’t Severus Snape, the resident Potions Master!” To Severus’s horror, Lockhart shot him a roguish wink. “Of course, you’ll know I’m here to teach Defence, but I am rather a deft hand at Potions. Quite gifted, really.”

“Indeed.”

* * *

Lockhart flopped down next to him on the faded velvet settee in front of the staffroom fire. “I thought I’d find you here! I tried your quarters first, neighbour.”

Severus closed his book, his finger resting in between the pages to mark his spot. “Yes, you’ve been quite neighbourly, banging away on my door every night asking for a cup of tea.”

“And so far this term, you’ve misplaced your teapot, tea, and even have failed to answer your door, moments after I saw you enter! I had hoped we’d grow closer, what with sharing the same corridor.”

“Yes, we’re practically family,” Severus replied dryly.

Lockhart’s forehead creased into a frown. “No matter. I am persistent.” He leant in conspiratorially. “But tonight, Severus, I’m not after tea.”

“I dare not ask.” Severus bent over his book once again, his dark hair falling in a curtain across his face.

“Oh, but this might tempt you. I know you are interested in dark creatures. You can’t mean to tell me that you’re not in the least bit interested in what I have planned for my first lesson for the second-years?”

“I assure you I am not.”

“Cornish Pixies.”

Severus snorted. “Hardly a dark creature. And I never gave you leave to call me by my first name, _Lockhart_.”

Lockhart laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “Have a good night, neighbour!”

* * *

Months later, Severus knocked on Lockhart’s door in the middle of the night. He answered with a grin.

“You know, Severus, you’ve put on quite the chase.” The silk of Lockhart’s gold night robe clung to his lithe form as he wrapped it tighter against the draught in the corridor. “I found it quite thrilling, I assure you, but I must admit that I’m relieved you’ve finally come to your senses.”

“Lockhart,” Severus said in a tight voice. “Cease your ridiculous flirtations at once. This is not the time or place for such juvenile behaviour.”

“No?” he asked, his blue eyes wide.

“I am not visiting your quarters in the middle of the night looking for a buggering, you imbecile. The headmaster asked me to inform you that there has been another attack.”

“Pity,” Lockhart said.

“Quite. A cat is one thing, but a child—even a Gryffindor—is another.”

“No, I meant that it’s pity about the buggering.”

* * *

The fire crackled in the staffroom hearth as Severus flipped through this morning’s edition of the Prophet. From the wingback chair at the other end of the room, Lockhart cleared his throat. “I’m planning on starting a dueling club."

“How exciting,” Severus replied without lowering his paper. 

“I’m a rather good duelist, you know. It’s how I got rid of the Bandon Banshee.”

“Of course.”

“Well, I didn’t get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her.” His brilliant flash of teeth was lost on Severus still hidden behind his newspaper. 

“I fail to see how this concerns me.”

“Don’t play coy, Severus. I know you’ve read my books. I hoped that perhaps you’d assist me.” 

A rustle of newspaper pages. “ _Expilliarmus_!” Lockhart’s wand landed in his outstretched hand. He raised an eyebrow. 

“Excellent! I knew you’d say yes!” He ignored Severus’s glower. 

* * *

“So Potter is the heir of Slytherin?” Lockhart said as he limped from the Great Hall.

“Seeing as the Potters were not descended from Slytherin and his mother was Muggleborn, that is highly unlikely.”

“But he is a Parselmouth?”

“Obviously.”

As they passed a glimmering Christmas tree, light from dozens of flickering candles danced across Lockhart’s face. Severus’s breath caught in his throat.

He gritted his teeth and looked away. “I thought you didn’t believe in the Chamber of Secrets.”

“You are quite right! This whole thing is a prank gone awry, surely.”

Severus released his arm. “I’ll leave you here, Lockhart,” he said as Pomfrey bustled into the room.

As she pulled out her wand, she asked, “What is it now, Gilderoy?”

“Oh, nothing really. Just a minor fracture, I believe, and I of course could mend it myself. But, as it’s my wand arm, Severus was kind enough to escort me.”

Severus glowered. “I thought you injured your leg.”

The mediwitch’s wand hovered for a moment over Lockhart’s proffered arm. “A small muscle strain, nothing more.”

“Just as I thought!”

“You insisted I broke several bones.”

Pomfrey tutted as she prodded Lockhart’s elbow. “Nonsense! Nothing to be done but have a bit of rest,” she said.

“What good fortune! Thank you, Severus. But next time you want to throw me on my arse, at least buy me dinner first.”

Severus stalked from the room, Pomfrey’s laughter ringing behind him.

* * *

Lockhart caught up with him a few days before Christmas. “Pity about the ghost and that boy, Dustin.”

“Justin,” Severus corrected. He tried to walk past Lockhart, but the other man moved so that Severus’s avoidance had narrowed the gap between them.

“Yes, him. But the Christmas holidays are finally upon us!”

“You’re not concerned at all?”

He goggled at Severus. “Whatever for? I’m a pureblood.” Severus stepped to his left, but Lockhart matched his step and his fingers reached down and encircled Severus’s wrist.

“Unhand me before you regret it, Lockhart.”

“So prickly! I had hoped I could convince you to join me at Madam Pudifoot’s over the holidays. No harm in a bit of travel, and Hogsmeade isn’t far.”

Severus pulled free and took a small step backwards. “It is highly unwise to leave the castle at such a time.”

“Come on, Severus. The other teachers won’t even notice if we skip out for a few hours.”

“I’m not going on a date with you.”

“So we just won’t call it a date,” he said with a wink.

* * *

Severus frowned into his coffee. He fished out a piece of heart-shape confetti and flicked it onto the tablecloth.

“Why, Severus, you look as though you are enjoying my very special surprise that I planned for Valentine’s Day.”

“Do I?”

“It’s just been so dreary this year, what with everything.” He waved his hand vaguely, indicating the attacks by a centuries-old monster on defenceless students. “I know I can count on you to show the students how to make love potions.”

“Certainly not,” he replied as he speared a wayward bean with his fork.

“Well, if you don’t feel you’re capable, I’ll be happy to teach them myself.”

“An even worse suggestion.”

“So you’ll show them?”

“No.”

After a disappointed sigh, Lockhart said, “I’ve received forty-six Valentine’s Day cards so far. Some were unsigned, but I don’t think I recognized your writing on any of them.”

“And what, in Merlin’s name, would give you the impression that I would send you anything?”

A shadow flickered behind the blue eyes as he attempted his trademark smile. “Why, our special connection, neighbour.”

“We don’t have a special connection.”

“Sure we do.”

Though he was quick to push Lockhart’s hand away as it grabbed his knee under the table, he wasn’t, perhaps, as quick as he could’ve been.

* * *

“Pamona, dear, I know you’ve said you’ve got the Mandrakes under control, but I’ve dealt with them many times before. I’d be more than happy to teach you a trick or two.”

“Very kind of you to offer, Gilderoy, but I have it well in hand for the moment.”

Gilderoy tore his bread in half and, as he was buttering it, casually remarked, “Just ask Severus. I showed him a new spiceto add to his latest potion.”

“A _spice_? Do shut up, Lockhart. Your blustering fools no one.”

He leant back from the high table, his eyes wide with shock. “Fooling? Me? My dear Severus, I know you’ve read _Gadding with Ghouls._ ”

Sprout had the nerve to smirk at him. “I didn’t know Severus was a fan! But a handsome lad like you, Gilderoy? You do seem his type.”

As Severus’s fingers twitched in his lap, itching for his wand, he glared at her. Lockhart droned on, unperturbed.

“In that book, I described how I once brewed a mandrake draught so powerful that it revived an entire village! And I used just one mandrake!”

Sprout snorted into her goblet.

“If any of that is true, I’ll eat my hat,” Severus muttered.

“I can think of better ways to use your mouth.” He gave Severus another infernal wink as Sprout guffawed.

* * *

“That is, quite possibly, the most imbecilic thing I have ever heard said, and I have taught students here for many years.”

Lockhart placed his hand on his heart and staggered backwards. He leant against the door to his quarters. “How you wound me, Severus.”

“You are a danger to yourself and others, insisting on nonsense like adding the devil’s snare roots before the venomous tentacula seeds. How would that end in anything other than a complete disaster?”

Lockhart’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. “Your passion is quite fetching.”

“You made that up just to annoy me.” He ground his teeth together. “Why do you insist on riling me up so?”

“Don’t play coy. You must know how alluring I find you,” Lockhart replied, his blue eyes shining like stars.

“I know nothing of the sort. I have looked into a mirror before. There is no reason someone as beautiful as you would—” Severus swallowed hard.

“Come to bed with me.”

Something new; something different.

Severus nodded once.

* * *

Severus had just escorted a group of third-year Ravenclaws to the greenhouses when he met Lockhart on the narrow path.

“Hello, Severus,” Lockhart greeted, his grin quickly hidden as he pulled his fleece scarf up over his chin. “Good to see you. You look well.”

He snorted. “About as well as the red-haired bloke I saw leaving your quarters just before breakfast this morning.”

“You mean Augustus? Yes. Never have I ever seen a finer arse.” He smirked. “Quidditch players get quite the workout. He plays for the Appleby Arrows.”

“You believe it’s wise to invite visitors to the castle under the circumstances?”

“Don’t be bitter, Severus. While I enjoyed our encounter very much, I’m just sowing my wild oats.”

“What a disgusting expression.”

Lockhart ignored him. “And it’s quite obvious what the monster is, surely? I’m positive I could nip right down to the Chamber and vanquish it if there were a need. Though now with the culprit locked up in Azkaban, we’re free from attacks!”

“You’re a fool. Hagrid didn’t open the Chamber of Secrets.”

“Come, Severus. They wouldn’t have taken him to Azkaban had they not had evidence.”

“You are very thick for a Ravenclaw,” Severus replied.

“Oh, yes, I am quite thick—as you remember.”

Severus hexed his legs together and left him alone on the path.

* * *

Severus strode into the hospital wing. “Pomfrey,” he called out. “You better tell me where that blasted Potter is, I have to give him a piece of my mind about his stupid, reckless need to run headfirst into trouble.”

“Hello.” Lockhart sat at the edge of one of the beds, his legs dangling.

Severus stopped abruptly. “What are you doing here, Lockhart?”

“Your hair is in a rather dreadful greasy state, did you know?”

“That’s a bit rich coming from someone who looks as though he narrowly escaped a blizzard of mud and muck.”

Lockhart brushed at the front of his robes as if he were seeing them for the first time. “Goodness gracious!”

“You truly accompanied Potter into the Chamber of Secrets?”

“Yes, it’s quite a dreadful place. I do not recommend it.”

“And the girl?”

“You mean the little redhead? She’s fine, as are those two rather rude boys.” Lockhart hummed tunelessly as he swung his legs. “Are you a professor too, then?”

“What?”

“Well, apparently I’m a professor here. But I caught the wrong end of some sort of Obliterate curse, and I’ve quite lost my memories.”

“Obliviate,” Severus corrected, and Lockhart shrugged. “You truly remember nothing?”

“Nothing. I’m to be taken to the hospital soon, I’m just waiting for an escort. I must admit I’ve found the whole thing terribly exciting.”

Severus stared at his face, examining it for a ripple of dishonesty, but it never came. “Good riddance.”


End file.
